i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
