i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
