why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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