How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
