Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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