just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
