the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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