oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
