it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
