There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize