the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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