I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
