i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
