Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
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I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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