you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
