too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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