No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
