Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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