I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
