Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
