Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
