You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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