Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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