She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
