no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
