Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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