I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
