does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am one with the molecules
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
