Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
