ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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