My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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