Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
