Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
