I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
