I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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