You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
