My friends, they love my intelligence
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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