after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
