the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
