My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
