apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
