tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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