Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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