i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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