My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
