it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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