Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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