I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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