I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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