It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
