I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
