Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
