As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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