we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
