a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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